People Spend Too Much Money On Family Celebrations Such As Birthdays And Weddings | Band 7.5 IELTS Essay Sample
People spend too much money on family celebrations such as birthdays and weddings. What is the importance of these celebrations? Do you think people really spend too much?
Here is a band 7.5 IELTS essay on this topic submitted by one of our students. Need help with writing? Get your writing samples corrected by me.
Band 7.5 IELTS essay sample
Since time immemorial celebrations have been an integral part of any culture. Celebrations on various occasions like birthdays and marriages not only reflect joy but also help to create unforgettable memories. Although the major purpose of celebrations is to get-together, a large amount of money is spent to make the entire event look extravagant.
Celebrations have always been a way of expressing happiness because that is the only time when the entire family and even the distant relatives get-together. In many cultures, celebrations also help the younger generations to understand rituals and traditions of their community. Different communities have different ways of celebrating rituals. For instance, in some cultures offering simple prayers in the temple are enough whereas in others grand offerings are made to the priests along with meal arrangements for the guests in attendance.
Unfortunately, people these days are moving away from the main motive of celebration and trying to show off their wealth. Celebrations have become more of a show biz as people try to find out creative ways to make their celebrations stand out and this involves a lot of money. They want to show that they are superior to others and this has further converted the events into a big business. Although a lot of people get employment out of this phenomenon, one needs to see the way money is being spent.
Celebrations can be enjoyed even if kept simple as they are more of a family affair. But people seem to be mixing it up with their prestige in the society. We should understand that people have more disposable income these days but it is high time that they wake up to the importance of saving money and using it for more fruitful ways.
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I got the same essay in IELTS GT on 11.03.2018, but unfortunately I received 6.5 band. However, in my earlier IELTS GT attempt, I got 8.5 band score in Writing. Therefore, I did not feel good after seeing 6.5 in my latest attempt. I wrote this essay with the same technique which I used in my earlier attempt where I got 8.5 in Writing.
I do not recall what exactly I wrote but I remember the overall structure. Below is what I wrote:
Introduction: I paraphrased most of the essay question. Also, I mentioned that “In my opinion, I agree that individuals spend too much money on personal events because of the strong financial stability”. (It is not accurate word to word, but may be 95% same)
Body Passage 1: Here I mentioned that the personal events such as weddings, birthdays, graduations are very important for all of us. Personal events give us opportunities to meet our all the family members and this helps us to get strong bonds with them. Also, I mentioned that these events give us life long memories. Then I gave some relevant example that XYZ survey confirmed that people who attend or host some personal events, have stronger family ties.
Body Passage 2: Here I mentioned that Yes I agree that people spend lot of money on their personal events; It is happening because now people are financially stronger than before, as we have many businesses/companies which have many professional opportunities. Then I gave relevant example.
Conclusion: Here I mentioned that ‘In conclusion, personal events are very important to everyone as they helps us to make our bonds stronger with our relatives and gives us lifetime memories. Also, I mentioned that people tend to spend a lot on these events as they have more financial capabilities than before’.
I am sure I wrote more than 250 words.
Here, my doubt is, in 2nd body paragraph, I mentioned the reason why I think that people spend a lot of money on their private events (which is because of strong job and business economy); do you think this is not what examiner was looking for?
Could you please give your input on this? I am thinking to go for EOR for Writing Module; but before I am looking for your advice on the structure and the ideas mentioned in this essay.
I am sorry to hear that you got only 6.5. From what you have written here, I don’t think that you answered the second question ‘Do you think people spend too much?’ Instead, you wrote about why people spend.
It is important to read the question carefully before you write. Address all aspects of the given task. Hope that helps.
The sample which you have given donot have any linking words. Moreover, in concluding paragraph you have not mentioned in conclusion. It is not necessary to write…
Your ideas should flow from one sentence to another sentence. That is the purpose of using linking words. Actually, if you write carefully you can accomplish this even without using these expressions. The given essay presents a clear thought neatly. That is enough.