Band 5 essay samples: People are getting fat. What are the causes of this?
These essays are written by students and graded by an IELTS trainer. All band score predictions are approximate. These essays are not edited by our teachers and may contain spelling or grammar mistakes.
People are getting fat. What are the causes of this unhealthy phenomenon? Also suggest solutions.
Essay written by student
Today, most of people are getting fat by in correct food habits. I will explain the causes of increasing people’s weight and some solutions.
The main cause why people’s weight are more increased and its solution for losing weight can be explained. The improving technology can affect people because people spend too much time for watching TV and playing games. For instance, people keep eating snacks or drinking when they watching TV, TThe more they tend to eat while watching television, the more they gain body mass. Thus, watching television has an impact on their over body weight. If they do not watch television much, they would eat only 3 meals per day as usual, where as while watching television two or three bags of popcorn or crackers which contains high fat. The solution to solve this problem is change the hobby like a soccer, swimming. While the physically active, they lose the over fat. Besides, While they involve in games, they eat less. A regular exercise plan can reduce overweight significantly. Therefore, exercise can reduce this weight if they do it regularly.
Secondly, food change is the another cause because people do not have much time to eat and they prefer more simple food such as a processed food. For example, some workers want to take a rest after lunch, whereas, the lunch time is short they want to eat lunch quickly, as a result they find fast food shops and eat the junk food such as fries which contains refined oil. On the other hands, if people were eating home-made food, less chance to consume fat or refined oil. Thus, the shift of food preference and work life have negatively impacted as overweight. Having been discussed it, to solve this problem, announcing slow food’s importance and teaching food awareness is good idea. People will change their preference when they realize this issue. For example, health awareness against cigarette smoking has substantially reduced the intake of cigarette consumption per day, in turn , people tend to smoke less.Therefore, the same strategy ( advertisements or announcements) can be applied to reduce the overweight issues.
To sum up, after explaining the causes and solutions, it is clear that over weight problem is possible to solve by taking effective measures.
Comments by IELTS instructor
The student explains the causes and also provides some solution. The task completion is fine, however, there are numerous grammar mistakes in this essay. See the underlined parts. They all contain one or more grammatical mistakes. If the student really wants a decent band score, he / she needs to work on his/her grammar. Overall, this looks like a band 5.5 essay.