Society Is Becoming Obsessed With Material Goods Like Cars, Designer Clothes | Band 7.5 IELTS Essay Sample

Society is becoming obsessed with material goods like fast cars, designer clothes and flashy jewellery. We have stopped caring about the important things that is why divorce rates are so high and family bonds are not as strong anymore; our value system is disintegrating. To what extent do you agree or disagree?

Here is a band 7.5 IELTS essay on this topic written by one of our students. Need help with IELTS writing? Get your IELTS essays, letters and reports corrected by me.

Band 7.5 IELTS essay sample

In today’s fast and advanced world everything is measured in terms of its monetary value. People’s obsession with materialistic things has increased so much in recent times that it has overruled their traditional values or bond (write: bonds / bonding) with their loved once (write: ones). In my opinion, the main reasons for this are the Social platform impact and the relationship (Write: are the impact of social media and fake relationships made) made on it, (put a full stop here) few (Write: a few; few means almost none; write a few to mean a small number of) people also stay away from there (Write: their) families to earn more for a lavish lifestyle which unfortunately makes them away (write: disconnects them) from their roots or values.

 Social media has added the (write: has created an) urge in people to show off their material goods to maintain glorifying popularity in front of the world.

Remarks

Write:

Social media has created an urge in people to show off their material possessions in front of their friends and peers.

Under such (write: this pressure) pressure, they are always stuck to their cellular device to maintain the fake standard and hardly interact with their real families or friends. For instance, the recent generation has advanced cellphones and gadgets, which keep them busy with games and cyberspace activities. Moreover, being connected with the internet all the time (write: as they are connected to the internet all the time), people started (Write: have started) developing a relationship with strangers around the world on the bases (write: basis) of their attractive social media portfolio. For example, the rate of divorces is high around the world because people fall for the fake personality and popularity shown in the social platform, rather than knowing who exactly the person is.

Remarks

You may write:

For example, the rate of divorce is high in the case of marriages among couples who met each other online.

On the other hand, for earning more to enjoy a lavish living, many individuals migrate to other countries, leaving behind their tradition or cultural ethics.

Remarks

This is not how you should present this idea. On the other hand is used to present the other side. You are not discussing the other side here.

You may write:

There are also many people who migrate to other countries leaving their roots and cultural values behind to earn more money.

In this era of cutthroat competition of being in the first position (remove this), people at times leave their parents and family behind for monetary opportunity. For example, people with overnight social popularity, usually move to another city to pursue their fames and social media life. To add more on the above point (Write: In addition), to maintain the fake social media standard with materialistic goods (designer clothes and flashy jewelry) teenagers at times steal money from their own parents or relatives or friends, which somehow (write: and this) weakens their bonds.

In a nutshell, society is getting more indulge with maintaining the material-based standard in the public platform (Write; more and more materialistic), rather than valuing bonds with their loved once or with their partners (put a full stop here) which might incorporate the lesser divorce rates and better understanding between them.

Remarks

Write:

Hence, I fully agree with the argument that we have stopped caring about the important things in life. Instead we are chasing name and wealth that we can show off in front of the world.

Analysis

This is a to what extent do you agree essay. So, in the introduction and conclusion you have to say whether you agree or disagree with the given argument.

Overall, your ideas are okay. Grammar needs improvement.

Score:

TR: 7

CC: 6

GR: 6

LR: 7

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Manjusha Nambiar

Hi, I'm Manjusha. This is my blog where I give IELTS preparation tips.